The last few years were the worst of my life; everything I’m going to tell you about will lead up to me finding a new group of people I’m comfortable to be honest with and a counselor who goes above and beyond for us and inspires me to do better in life.
It all started years ago when I was about 16 with a doctor’s script. It was a simple infection caused by a piercing being removed early in my ear and not being properly cleaned. It gave me headaches and had to be drained by my doctor. He gave me Vicodin for the pain. I felt like I had found the answer to all my problems.
Now fast forward a thru a few years of drug addiction, prostitution, lost lives, and the pure chaos that comes with most drug addictions, and I met my kid’s father and I became pregnant within the first month. Now at first, I didn’t know what to do. But I did know I wasn’t having an abortion. I had one a few years earlier after being raped and it was so hard. I feel like it made me go even harder with drugs. I would dream of a baby and the life he or she could have had. I even decided she was a girl and gave her a name. Her name was Stacy after my late mom. So when I found out I was pregnant again, abortion was not an option. So I knew I had to change my ways. I put myself in a women and children’s program and got my own place with my kids father. Everything seemed great, except he didn’t want to stay clean. And I didn’t want to leave him. He was abusive and would hit me while holding the baby. Dealing with this led to a relapse and the first time DCF removed my first daughter.
So I put myself in another women and children’s program. When I got my daughter back we spent 8 months in the program and DCF and supportive housing helped me to get a place.
When I got out the first night my daughter’s father stayed over. I got pregnant again that night. Now I forgot to mention, when I gave birth the first time I felt like a hole in my heart was filled. So another baby! I was so happy. Now my child’s father wasn’t allowed to live with me. I didn’t really want him there bc he was abusive physically and verbally and he was emotionally draining when he was using, and he was still struggling. He put me and my daughter through a lot. And this whole time I was pregnant, so he put my youngest thru a lot also. I managed to stay clean thru both of my pregnancies; after my daughter was born me and my child’s father got into a huge fight, and I took a few Xanax — with my already high dose of methadone I accidentally overdosed while alone with my daughter. This led to the second removal of both my babies.
This was the hardest thing I ever went thru. I managed to stay clean for the next year while fighting DCF. But I gave up that fight and signed over my rights. Right after court I immediately went to the drug dealers. And I was off and running. I lost my apartment and moved into a hotel. I escorted on the internet for high prices and was able to keep up a couple hundred dollar habit and the same room for about 8 months. During this I met an amazing man. I met him thru a mutual friend. I don’t understand what he saw in me but we would remain friends from a distance; he did not agree with my lifestyle but he was willing to stand by me. So he was the one I called when I was ready to stop. And to this day he doesn’t realize how much he motivates me to do better.
Well he brought me to CVH in Middletown and my plan was to go thru detox and the star program and from there move on to a sober house. While in CVH I started M.A.T. so I would also need to find a close by clinic. Then covid19 hit hard and a lot of places halted admissions so I found myself stuck. This friend of mine offered to let me stay with him. But I had to take care of myself and get myself were I had to go. Which is okay with me as long as I have a safe and sober place to be.
CVH set me up with the Root Center. So far, my experience has been great. Everyone I have worked with so far has been great. I had to do IOP as part of my treatment plan so it works out great that I have to do IOP. We haven’t been able to meet in person since Covid19 has caused a lot of places to close down but the group facilitator makes the group fun. Jessica is very understanding and gives great positive feedback. She makes it comfortable to speak openly and honestly about what we are going thru. I have never been in a group where everyone was so brutally honest with their struggles. It is refreshing to finally feel like I have found a place to open up. She goes out of her way to send us inspirational videos and articles. She has just been a huge support. I moved here from Waterbury and I didn’t know anyone. Jessica made the atmosphere inviting even though it was thru a webcam. I still have a long way to go but I finally feel like I’m heading in the right direction.